O God! Why?

Of Ego & Hair!

The way we look does provide us an identity. Usually, reasonably good looks give one confidence & so-called ‘bad looks’ give one very little or no confidence to face world. Very few are successfully able to detach sense of self-worth & confidence from their looks & this enlightenment hardly ever comes during the most vulnerable teen or tween years. It only comes past middle age for most or as a result of trying to survive an ordeal (like acid-attack survivors who teach us new lessons every day).

While this is part of the issue, I think the main issue is with the complete distortion of information fed into everyone’s brains about good/bad looks. They dictate to us that women need to be bone-thin with long lustrous hair while men need to be tall & muscular. These are the basics … & there are of course other specific requirements for each & every body part. Its so ingrained in society & people that it’s quite amazing what media has managed to accomplish. My Ms. Diva refused to cut her hair saying she did not want ‘boy hair’ - whatever that meant! Social conditioning starts from the time they are born!!

Since most discussions on this topic revolve around women’s fat or the lack of it, today I thought it’d be interesting if I wrote about hair on men’s heads – or the lack of it!

With respect to this, I have seen two types of guys around me: one set that was endowed with thick hair on their head who took care of it like it was their baby. They have special routines for it, use extra hold gel to make crazy studdy hairstyles & won’t allow anyone to touch it!! (The 2 fads I totally cannot stand is 1 – guys letting their hair grow beyond shoulder length & 2. Men with black hair dyed in light colors. Both I find totally gross! - :P out of context but it just came with the flow!) This is pretty much like Uncle Jesse in Full House! “Have Mercy” if anyone got close to his hair.

Then there’s this other section of guys who have started balding really young & go around wearing caps! I hated that they did that but as I get older, I understand that we all have different levels of pride about different things – sometimes without realizing, and it takes time to let go of it. So I cannot & will not be judgmental any more. Today I know that although these guys wore their caps to cover their balding heads, they were the fastest ones to let go of that false sense of pride about hair/looks & be less attached to the world of pretense. The extra-hold-gel guys don’t get it until they start to gray or their hair falls off due to sickness or age. Their balding counterparts are wiser much sooner.

I remember walking outside with my really cool uncle when I was really small when he suddenly said, we’ve got to run now. I asked him why? He said, - you know, one of the advantages of being bald is that you’re the first to know when it starts to rain! 😊 It was a moment of enlightenment for me – which is why I remember it even now… more than 30 years later!

O yes! That’s just one of the advantages. There are a lot of them actually, come to think of it. They don’t have to worry too much about hair upkeep & shampoos or about hair styles; they also don’t have to worry about greys & regular appointments to dye it in order to keep one’s ‘hair-image’….

And yet there is a huge market for hair transplants & what not, with so many testimonials in the paper. All sorts of celebrities either directly or indirectly advertising for it. Matt McConaughey, Bono, Elton John, Jude Law, Shane Warne, Jacques Kallis, & closer home Sourav Ganguly, Virendar Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Harsha Bhogle & a whole lot of Indian actors. While the Indian actors usually refrain from advertising about it & like to behave as if they never lost any hair, the cricketers at least are not as deceitful. These ads are like the fair & lovely ads for women (& men also, now!). “Every girl I met refused to marry me. But now that I have hair transplanted & regrown on my head I’m a stud & every girl wants me”. But who’s going to teach the impressionable generation that if girls who didn’t like you because you were bald suddenly like you because you’re not, its vain. Is that the kind of romance we want people to aspire for???

Which is why I have this thing for Fahadh! There is this undercurrent in Mallu land that Fahadh let go of his hair & thus let go of his bad luck.

FF is the reason for hope for so many youngsters who now see the cool side of being bald. We need more people like him to break this world of pretense. There are others in Mollywood warming up to this idea & slowly removing the wigs they’ve worn for so many decades.

Because I watch movies so much, a lot of my references are to scenes/dialogues from movies I’ve watched. I remember this friendly banter between a nurse & doctor in a Malayalam movie ‘diamond necklace’. It’s a nice movie and in one such scene, a senior nurse scolds this junior nurse for missing the phone ring as she had headphones on while eating chocolate during duty hours. She tries explaining she was just catching lunch on a busy day but to no avail. At this point, the doctor-hero interferes & tells the senior nurse to let it go & this causes the senior nurse to leave in a huff. The usual friendly banter then ensues between the junior nurse & the doctor:

Nurse: That senior nurse’s name is Shantamma but she should have actually been named Kopamma!

Doc: Leave it. Its just a little ego she has.

Nurse: Do you know, that in one way there is a connection between ego & hair?

Doc: Pling… really? What connection?

Nurse: Tirupathi, Palani - & such temples, why do you think people offer their hair?

Doc: Just their faith!

Nurse: Hair gives you a false identity. Ego is also like that. You remove any of them & you will lessen the weight you carry on your head.

Doc: pling pling – wow! How did you get this philosophy?

Nurse: My uncle told me. Another thing! Did you notice that your ego is just like the hair on your head? Both are less!

Doc: 😊 Madam! You’re not Lakshmi. You’re actually Saraswathi!

The doc hero here is none other than FF v2.0 😊

And while this topic is nowhere near finished, I will stop here with one last image that shows why Sourav Ganguly was better off with his natural reserve of head-hair & why our bald friends are immune to bad hair days.

Break pretense!! Be real!!  More on this later..

Girl friends are forever!

I think the thing that has been most therapeutic in my life at all times has been a good conversation with a girl friend. It doesn't matter what we converse about & it doesn't matter what sh*t we're in. Of course not all girls can become those girlfriends. There are some wavelengths that sync up & some that just don't! The ones that do sync up don't need to be in close proximity (well, not physically) or in touch on a daily basis and even after years of not hearing from each other, the moment we start talking, its like we never missed a day with each other. It just starts off from the point we left off last - without missing a beat, without ego, without any expectations, without hesitation - as if that gap did not exist!

Had a soulful session today with one of my besties & it just changed my daily drab - just like that! So this one's in honor of her and of all the others (countable few gf's left) who give meaning to my life  & continue to inspire me in so many ways! Thank you, you crazies! Miles apart but connected by the heart! My soul sisters!!

Life is a RACE! :)

Story of my life! :))

Vision

The Aryan-Dravidian divide is as relevant today as it was when the Indian subcontinent faced the Aryan invasion. It has become more of a north-south India debate now. While there are a million differences & good/bad on both sides, today we focused on only one such point.

Its something that I believe a lot of us ‘Dravidians’ ponder about - What makes the Aryans seem superior in whatever is taken up by the two, in spite of a lot of intellect on the Dravidian side. After all the Aryans were successful in driving the Dravidians down south, weren’t they? And with all the intellect, it’s not like we haven’t figured it out. It is just that we still haven’t taken enough action to counter the difference & make it a level playing field.

While some major aspects are ‘marketing’ & ‘guts of steel’, today we pondered on how vision of the two differs. I realized that in all aspects of life, I’m more focused on daily troubles & all the failure modes… but unlike me, my more successful Aryan counterparts are focused on long term goals & ‘celebratory modes’. Like my Kashmiri friend who ended up on Masterchef AU. Like all things in life & office he had one long-term goal – of getting on to the Masterchef AU show. That’s it. Just that long-term goal (with a clear vision on what that would open up for him of course!). Then its just a question about dealing with day to day stuff just to get to that goal - persuade people to get office to send him to AU & go there & cook some more, get PR, apply to mc-AU & get in! No failure modes involved in that strategy. Only deciding on the stepping stones. If it was me, I would be stuck on whether or not I should even consider persuading anyone to send me to AU – even if I cooked like a Masterchef I would be convinced that the odds are completely against me! My brain works more in terms of ‘today’ sprinkled with pessimism! -  will my kids be healthy to go to school today, will they like the food I sent today, will my boss give me another day on the deadline he set, will I be able to complete the meetings scheduled today - & in each case, if it doesn’t work, what then? All very short-term things that don’t actually matter at all in the long term.

While this is not a rule on how the Aryan/Dravidian thinking differs, among all the examples I see around me, there seems to be a lot of this pattern.

While upbringing & brain conditioning has a lot to do with all of this, its high time to take charge & change! I mean, even today, hubby keeps thinking up a new business venture every day, analyzes failure modes every day & his mom says, don’t take the risk – Everyday! His friend on the other hand starts a new business venture every day! :D Well, that’s an exaggeration but he does have many ventures that work & when we analyze failure modes of those ventures & ask him about it, he always has one response ‘jab hoga, dekhenge yaar’.

Come on!! Every day lost, is an opportunity lost! Hell, when are we going to learn?

Soon!.... As soon as we stop analyzing & start actionizing! 😊

Mesmeric

Some tunes... some visuals... some stories... some faces...…….. refuse to leave your mind. I never imagined being captivated by this one...

Real heart

Real soul

Art!

how can I miss FF <3! Shammi hero aada

Killing it!

Ms. Diva's down with the usual beginning-of-wheezing symptoms & I already miss her bubbly self. We were going through her 'baby videos'... yes its time to classify them that way, I realize. She's growing up fast.

I need as much proof as possible of their little-ness because its like the sand is going to run out soon. Before I know it, the nest will be empty & I will only have these memories to reminisce.

Its that phase, when getting the message across is important & grammar/spellings can jump outside the window. Ms. Bookworm, on the other hand, has outgrown her sister's current phase & is too sophisticated to understand that there was ever a phase like that in her life. She finds Diva to be ridiculously hilarious. Ms. Diva, however, begs to differ & finds it beyond comprehension how she could EVER be wrong.

One of her usual teacher-roleplays gave me this gem to cherish:

I'm making a book of these for entertainment in my twilight years.