About 9 years back, when orkut was slowly spreading out its clutches on 'society', I firmly stayed put. I said 'NO' to orkut. I'm not sure why but I think it had something to do with 'inadequate self esteem'.... which has always been a good old friend & refuses to part ways! Then, when I got pregnant with my first child & the nausea was driving me crazy, I thought orkut would be a welcome deviation. Deviation it was but welcome..? I slowly got very addicted to it... looking at all the pictures & other contents of friends, & friends of friends... & friends of friends of friends... My 'good old friend' came back in full vigor & started spending a lot more time with me than ever. I decided that the end of my pregnancy would mark the end of my orkut-life. But the clutches had sunk in all too deep by then. When the baby had come, I had many more posts & pictures to put up!
Eventually, I did grow out of orkut... only because fb was the new best thing. Orkut was not in fashion anymore you see! And so the vicious cycle continued, now on FB. Then I tried my hands at twitter too. Soon I got invites for linkedin... I thought to myself - Me on linkedin... Really? Do I want that? I decided that career-wise I didn't have enough to show-off about! :) But that was really the first step in the direction of retreat.
After this, I started thinking - 'why do I need a twitter account?'. The only fun thing was following the love of my life - SRK. Every nuance of his life that he posted about was fun to read. But I didn't care a damn about the other posts. What my friends were doing through the day started getting on my nerves actually. So I realized that unless I am a celebrity, people wouldn't actually be interested in knowing what I'm thinking/doing every second of the day. So I stopped ... tweeting that is.
I had all the guts now to turn down tumblr... & the like. But FB... FB now has grown to be a part of me. I can forever love to hate it but I need it. There have been atleast 10 occasions when I almost deleted my profile & stopped short just for the sake of some friends (who account for just about 10% of the people in my 'friends' list) to whom I could reach out only through fb.
I have weighed the positives against the negatives so many times. FB is so easy to help me stay in touch with some of my favorite people but at the same time it forces me to be in touch with some I thought I had got rid of for good... log long ago! I also see so many people living their lives doing things I have always longed to do but have never got the chance. I end up comparing my life to theirs. Its a disease. I know! After all, I know from my own experience that what you put up there - on fb, is only the icing on the cake that you want everybody to see. For all you know, the actual cake might be rotten! I have even been told in a counseling session that I am grappling with low self esteem because of the 'comparison-disease'. This counselor actually told me that the problem probably stems from the fact that my mom was always comparing me to others around me making me feel inadequate. I love my mom & God knows as much as I do that she did not do that on purpose. It scares my guts out to think how I might be negatively impacting my child inadvertently.
In any case, I refuse to put the blame on my mom now. I have to take responsibility for my behavior. Wow! Is that difficult or what?!... especially considering I'm still on fb even with the damage its doing to my self-esteem! In my mind, I know - the problem is not with fb. It is with my attitude. Everyday is a struggle to live my life without comparison & hopefully I will master the art someday. Fountainhead was such an inspiration in that direction.
So I try different experiments... like the most recent one with fb. Since I realized that I did not want to delete my account, I thought I should just completely stop making any updates on fb. ... So as to try & un-network while maintaining the basic contacts with people. It was an eye-opener & it helped prove some things I already knew. E.g. there are so many people who 'liked' my pic only because they wanted me to 'like' their pic or because I have been 'kind enough' to 'like' their pics. As ridiculous as it seems, the 'number of friends' & 'number of likes' continues to feed the ego of these so-called friends.
Why are they on my list anyway?! Once in a way I look at my friends list & quietly delete people I dont want to be associated with. Try not to insult them but some refuse to let it go. I've got messages asking me 'I thought I had 'added' you. Now I'm not in your list. Something's wrong with fb!' As time has passed I've become adept at being more brash & unapologetic. I dont want you means I dont want you. I dont care any more! Dont know if its good or bad.
There was a friend who once told me he had only 10 friends in his fb list & he told me that he will not accept requests from just-friends & acquaintances... as if suggesting I should not send him a request! How rude, I thought. Now I perfectly understand!
FB also feeds another disease in me.. the 'I dont want to let go' disease. I check in on this someone ... regularly... secretly...because I still want a piece of his life. I just cannot let go... be it him, be it some friends... or <apparently> be it fb. The cancerous tenacity that will always hold good! Yes, let me blame my sun-sign today & put the owning up part for another day.
Eventually, I did grow out of orkut... only because fb was the new best thing. Orkut was not in fashion anymore you see! And so the vicious cycle continued, now on FB. Then I tried my hands at twitter too. Soon I got invites for linkedin... I thought to myself - Me on linkedin... Really? Do I want that? I decided that career-wise I didn't have enough to show-off about! :) But that was really the first step in the direction of retreat.
After this, I started thinking - 'why do I need a twitter account?'. The only fun thing was following the love of my life - SRK. Every nuance of his life that he posted about was fun to read. But I didn't care a damn about the other posts. What my friends were doing through the day started getting on my nerves actually. So I realized that unless I am a celebrity, people wouldn't actually be interested in knowing what I'm thinking/doing every second of the day. So I stopped ... tweeting that is.
I had all the guts now to turn down tumblr... & the like. But FB... FB now has grown to be a part of me. I can forever love to hate it but I need it. There have been atleast 10 occasions when I almost deleted my profile & stopped short just for the sake of some friends (who account for just about 10% of the people in my 'friends' list) to whom I could reach out only through fb.
I have weighed the positives against the negatives so many times. FB is so easy to help me stay in touch with some of my favorite people but at the same time it forces me to be in touch with some I thought I had got rid of for good... log long ago! I also see so many people living their lives doing things I have always longed to do but have never got the chance. I end up comparing my life to theirs. Its a disease. I know! After all, I know from my own experience that what you put up there - on fb, is only the icing on the cake that you want everybody to see. For all you know, the actual cake might be rotten! I have even been told in a counseling session that I am grappling with low self esteem because of the 'comparison-disease'. This counselor actually told me that the problem probably stems from the fact that my mom was always comparing me to others around me making me feel inadequate. I love my mom & God knows as much as I do that she did not do that on purpose. It scares my guts out to think how I might be negatively impacting my child inadvertently.
In any case, I refuse to put the blame on my mom now. I have to take responsibility for my behavior. Wow! Is that difficult or what?!... especially considering I'm still on fb even with the damage its doing to my self-esteem! In my mind, I know - the problem is not with fb. It is with my attitude. Everyday is a struggle to live my life without comparison & hopefully I will master the art someday. Fountainhead was such an inspiration in that direction.
So I try different experiments... like the most recent one with fb. Since I realized that I did not want to delete my account, I thought I should just completely stop making any updates on fb. ... So as to try & un-network while maintaining the basic contacts with people. It was an eye-opener & it helped prove some things I already knew. E.g. there are so many people who 'liked' my pic only because they wanted me to 'like' their pic or because I have been 'kind enough' to 'like' their pics. As ridiculous as it seems, the 'number of friends' & 'number of likes' continues to feed the ego of these so-called friends.
Why are they on my list anyway?! Once in a way I look at my friends list & quietly delete people I dont want to be associated with. Try not to insult them but some refuse to let it go. I've got messages asking me 'I thought I had 'added' you. Now I'm not in your list. Something's wrong with fb!' As time has passed I've become adept at being more brash & unapologetic. I dont want you means I dont want you. I dont care any more! Dont know if its good or bad.
There was a friend who once told me he had only 10 friends in his fb list & he told me that he will not accept requests from just-friends & acquaintances... as if suggesting I should not send him a request! How rude, I thought. Now I perfectly understand!
FB also feeds another disease in me.. the 'I dont want to let go' disease. I check in on this someone ... regularly... secretly...because I still want a piece of his life. I just cannot let go... be it him, be it some friends... or <apparently> be it fb. The cancerous tenacity that will always hold good! Yes, let me blame my sun-sign today & put the owning up part for another day.
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