Happy-Sad

Something conspired in the Universe to give me a near-perfect birthday! Just 1 terrible glitch but otherwise it was great. Im still negotiating with the glitch but given my stats, thats a far-cry from my 'normal' birthdays!!


So anyway, wallowing in all the attention, I headed into the weekend on a high! It all ended with a massive thud after a humongous blunder... always wondered if I could use the term 'monumental blunder' as dear old wiki1 did... & that day has finally arrived!!


So I dont know whether it was that or whether it was the impactful "Clara" that I was watching last night ... but I ended up waking with an achy-breaky heart on Sunday Morning! What I saw was so real... I could feel it... I still feel it. The feeling of losing a battle, the feeling of being discarded! All I saw was a dear old friend moving on in life without me. If you ask my awake mind - thats exactly what I want. But I guess subconsciously its not! Weird the ways of the mind!


And so, the newly kind universe tried to make up for the morning blues, by giving me a once in a life time chance to carve into freshly laid cement! Cant wait for it to dry!!


As I get sucked into the next whirlwind week, I remind myself that all's not lost! Here we gooooo...

Ugh!

Explains why the week sucks! Bleh!

.....

Can I opt out? 'Skip week' sounds good!

Bad moms 101

You know that feeling growing up, when you thought your parents knew shit about raising kids & you would not be anything like them. Fastforward 25 years and you aspire to try & achieve atleast 10% of what they achieved.


There's no perfect parent. There are a lot of things my parents did wrong and Im sure they realize it too. But the point is, its not something you understand in the moment. Its always lessons in hindsight.
Today, as a mom, I dont know if Im being too strict or too lenient, if Im spending too less time or too much time with them, if I know too much about them or too little about them, whether Im making them work too hard or play too hard... I dont know, until may be they fly out of the nest & I am lucky enough to see them live their adult lives. And the fact is that as much as we are influenced by our upbringing, a lot of what we become also depends on life situations & luck... or fate!

But there are some moments these fears get the better of me. Every group of friends posts talent-show-videos of their kids. I guess my silence in these groups is so evident that every once in a while Im prompted to talk about my kids. My standard one-liner 'Genetically, my kids are not as lucky as yours!'. And I stay silent through all the theatrical reassurances that follow.
The in-laws always seem to get it right too. The family is very proud of the next gen (read cousins of my kids) aspiring to become neurosurgeons, paediatricians, scientists in the field of medical research and have always been on top of the class... AND have other passions - like play the piano, paint like picasso, bake fancy cakes like the ones you see on TV... etc etc etc. So during one of those discussions, my kids were asked (yet again) what they want to become when they grow up. The elder one drops the first bomb - 'Veterinarian' she says... 'I love animals'!. And if that wasnt 'scandalous' enough for my mother-in-law, my younger one jumps in with '& I wanna be an Amazonian'!! The mother-in-law is hoping that the younger one has better aspirations & Amazonian is some specialist doctor and propelled by that hope she asks what this job involves. Lil miss diva unabashedly explains 'bows & arrows with a shield, fighting guys, looking cool, flying, wearing short skirts... ' and my mil is clueless. I try hard to save face & buy time using the 'I have no idea... she's too small.. so whats for lunch' tactic. And in my mind, like a newsroll, I read 'while my counterparts on the in-laws side are prepping their kids for med-school, I make my kids watch WonderWoman. I must be the scum on bad-moms-planet'.


It took me days to recover. I spoke to the husband & to myself a lot. Finally, it boiled down to 1 question - do I really want to see my kids become doctors? I know the answer is 'not unless they want to - & desperately so at that'. Its a noble profession AND one of the toughest.


For that matter I dont want them to take up any profession to make me look good or to make me happy. I know for a fact that the only way I'll be happy is if they are happy. As it is, life's not going to be easy no matter what they do! I just hope, wish & pray they can find their peace.


So - yes! There's no perfect parent. But also, there's no perfect child. However, they are both perfect in each others' eyes. I will always love them & I hope never to belittle their achievements. Living on a prayer & taking one day at a time as they grow up way...way too fast.


Go on, my child and be that Amazonian you want to be. Even if you dont become WonderWoman, & even if you're just one of those fighting in the background, give it your best shot and just be happy. Mommy's proud of you! :*