"Every saint has a past
Every sinner has a future"
Sunday, 20 September 2020
Thursday, 3 September 2020
Fitoor
What a perfect title to a movie that cant be understood until you have lived some of that madness!
This was a long pending one. The songs were so deep & I remember enjoying it with someone & we promised ourselves we would watch it. Its been so many years later that I managed to keep my promise.
ARK is a dream. He has the perfect expressions. He never fails to impress... be it Aashiqui 2, Malang or fitoor.
Fitoor is like a painting on a canvas.
Only Katrina's plastic face gets in the way a bit. (Plastic in more ways than one - not only heavily modified, plastic-surgeried but also plastic in terms of lack of expressions. It annoys me because she was so beautiful naturally). That just reminded me of another annoying plastic face I watched recently under the pretext of a biopic. Bollywood's favorite topic - Nepotism, is good fodder for blogging but not today. Not to take away from fitoor.
There were a couple of points in the movie that ... just struck a chord... somewhere...
Some words make you see reality in a more poetic way.
"Ab Khud se aazaadi to sirf maut hi de sakti hai... ya phir ishq". So beautifully written!
Alvida Noor! Zinda rahein to phir milenge...
Sunday, 30 August 2020
Sunday, 19 July 2020
Happy-Sad
Something conspired in the Universe to give me a near-perfect birthday! Just 1 terrible glitch but otherwise it was great. Im still negotiating with the glitch but given my stats, thats a far-cry from my 'normal' birthdays!!
So anyway, wallowing in all the attention, I headed into the weekend on a high! It all ended with a massive thud after a humongous blunder... always wondered if I could use the term 'monumental blunder' as dear old wiki1 did... & that day has finally arrived!!
So I dont know whether it was that or whether it was the impactful "Clara" that I was watching last night ... but I ended up waking with an achy-breaky heart on Sunday Morning! What I saw was so real... I could feel it... I still feel it. The feeling of losing a battle, the feeling of being discarded! All I saw was a dear old friend moving on in life without me. If you ask my awake mind - thats exactly what I want. But I guess subconsciously its not! Weird the ways of the mind!
And so, the newly kind universe tried to make up for the morning blues, by giving me a once in a life time chance to carve into freshly laid cement! Cant wait for it to dry!!
As I get sucked into the next whirlwind week, I remind myself that all's not lost! Here we gooooo...
So anyway, wallowing in all the attention, I headed into the weekend on a high! It all ended with a massive thud after a humongous blunder... always wondered if I could use the term 'monumental blunder' as dear old wiki1 did... & that day has finally arrived!!
So I dont know whether it was that or whether it was the impactful "Clara" that I was watching last night ... but I ended up waking with an achy-breaky heart on Sunday Morning! What I saw was so real... I could feel it... I still feel it. The feeling of losing a battle, the feeling of being discarded! All I saw was a dear old friend moving on in life without me. If you ask my awake mind - thats exactly what I want. But I guess subconsciously its not! Weird the ways of the mind!
And so, the newly kind universe tried to make up for the morning blues, by giving me a once in a life time chance to carve into freshly laid cement! Cant wait for it to dry!!
As I get sucked into the next whirlwind week, I remind myself that all's not lost! Here we gooooo...
Monday, 13 July 2020
Sunday, 12 July 2020
Bad moms 101
You know that feeling growing up, when you thought your parents knew shit about raising kids & you would not be anything like them. Fastforward 25 years and you aspire to try & achieve atleast 10% of what they achieved.
There's no perfect parent. There are a lot of things my parents did wrong and Im sure they realize it too. But the point is, its not something you understand in the moment. Its always lessons in hindsight.
Today, as a mom, I dont know if Im being too strict or too lenient, if Im spending too less time or too much time with them, if I know too much about them or too little about them, whether Im making them work too hard or play too hard... I dont know, until may be they fly out of the nest & I am lucky enough to see them live their adult lives. And the fact is that as much as we are influenced by our upbringing, a lot of what we become also depends on life situations & luck... or fate!
But there are some moments these fears get the better of me. Every group of friends posts talent-show-videos of their kids. I guess my silence in these groups is so evident that every once in a while Im prompted to talk about my kids. My standard one-liner 'Genetically, my kids are not as lucky as yours!'. And I stay silent through all the theatrical reassurances that follow.
The in-laws always seem to get it right too. The family is very proud of the next gen (read cousins of my kids) aspiring to become neurosurgeons, paediatricians, scientists in the field of medical research and have always been on top of the class... AND have other passions - like play the piano, paint like picasso, bake fancy cakes like the ones you see on TV... etc etc etc. So during one of those discussions, my kids were asked (yet again) what they want to become when they grow up. The elder one drops the first bomb - 'Veterinarian' she says... 'I love animals'!. And if that wasnt 'scandalous' enough for my mother-in-law, my younger one jumps in with '& I wanna be an Amazonian'!! The mother-in-law is hoping that the younger one has better aspirations & Amazonian is some specialist doctor and propelled by that hope she asks what this job involves. Lil miss diva unabashedly explains 'bows & arrows with a shield, fighting guys, looking cool, flying, wearing short skirts... ' and my mil is clueless. I try hard to save face & buy time using the 'I have no idea... she's too small.. so whats for lunch' tactic. And in my mind, like a newsroll, I read 'while my counterparts on the in-laws side are prepping their kids for med-school, I make my kids watch WonderWoman. I must be the scum on bad-moms-planet'.
It took me days to recover. I spoke to the husband & to myself a lot. Finally, it boiled down to 1 question - do I really want to see my kids become doctors? I know the answer is 'not unless they want to - & desperately so at that'. Its a noble profession AND one of the toughest.
For that matter I dont want them to take up any profession to make me look good or to make me happy. I know for a fact that the only way I'll be happy is if they are happy. As it is, life's not going to be easy no matter what they do! I just hope, wish & pray they can find their peace.
So - yes! There's no perfect parent. But also, there's no perfect child. However, they are both perfect in each others' eyes. I will always love them & I hope never to belittle their achievements. Living on a prayer & taking one day at a time as they grow up way...way too fast.
Go on, my child and be that Amazonian you want to be. Even if you dont become WonderWoman, & even if you're just one of those fighting in the background, give it your best shot and just be happy. Mommy's proud of you! :*
There's no perfect parent. There are a lot of things my parents did wrong and Im sure they realize it too. But the point is, its not something you understand in the moment. Its always lessons in hindsight.
Today, as a mom, I dont know if Im being too strict or too lenient, if Im spending too less time or too much time with them, if I know too much about them or too little about them, whether Im making them work too hard or play too hard... I dont know, until may be they fly out of the nest & I am lucky enough to see them live their adult lives. And the fact is that as much as we are influenced by our upbringing, a lot of what we become also depends on life situations & luck... or fate!
But there are some moments these fears get the better of me. Every group of friends posts talent-show-videos of their kids. I guess my silence in these groups is so evident that every once in a while Im prompted to talk about my kids. My standard one-liner 'Genetically, my kids are not as lucky as yours!'. And I stay silent through all the theatrical reassurances that follow.
The in-laws always seem to get it right too. The family is very proud of the next gen (read cousins of my kids) aspiring to become neurosurgeons, paediatricians, scientists in the field of medical research and have always been on top of the class... AND have other passions - like play the piano, paint like picasso, bake fancy cakes like the ones you see on TV... etc etc etc. So during one of those discussions, my kids were asked (yet again) what they want to become when they grow up. The elder one drops the first bomb - 'Veterinarian' she says... 'I love animals'!. And if that wasnt 'scandalous' enough for my mother-in-law, my younger one jumps in with '& I wanna be an Amazonian'!! The mother-in-law is hoping that the younger one has better aspirations & Amazonian is some specialist doctor and propelled by that hope she asks what this job involves. Lil miss diva unabashedly explains 'bows & arrows with a shield, fighting guys, looking cool, flying, wearing short skirts... ' and my mil is clueless. I try hard to save face & buy time using the 'I have no idea... she's too small.. so whats for lunch' tactic. And in my mind, like a newsroll, I read 'while my counterparts on the in-laws side are prepping their kids for med-school, I make my kids watch WonderWoman. I must be the scum on bad-moms-planet'.
It took me days to recover. I spoke to the husband & to myself a lot. Finally, it boiled down to 1 question - do I really want to see my kids become doctors? I know the answer is 'not unless they want to - & desperately so at that'. Its a noble profession AND one of the toughest.
For that matter I dont want them to take up any profession to make me look good or to make me happy. I know for a fact that the only way I'll be happy is if they are happy. As it is, life's not going to be easy no matter what they do! I just hope, wish & pray they can find their peace.
So - yes! There's no perfect parent. But also, there's no perfect child. However, they are both perfect in each others' eyes. I will always love them & I hope never to belittle their achievements. Living on a prayer & taking one day at a time as they grow up way...way too fast.
Go on, my child and be that Amazonian you want to be. Even if you dont become WonderWoman, & even if you're just one of those fighting in the background, give it your best shot and just be happy. Mommy's proud of you! :*
Monday, 15 June 2020
Loss!
What is it with rich people going through loss thats appealing? It didnt even strike me as a big deal until the question was asked in as many words.. When some migrant labourers lost their lives on a railway track, I too am guilty of thinking 'what fools would lie down to sleep on a railway track?!'. I failed to see - like that article pointed out - that for someone walking hundreds of kilometers, the track gave them a sense of security. It was the very absence of trains that made them walk down the track!
Why did some article have to put things in perspective? Why was it natural for me to feel bad about the obnoxiously rich widow of Kobe Bryant with more resources than one can imagine. There is that sense of wonder when we look up to those fancy people in gilded cages with fascinating lives & easy solutions. Thats what it was - the easy chopper ride solution to the traffic problem. Simplified time management - if you have the resources! & yet I relived the pain on Kobe & Gigi more than those poor, tired, labourers who had no expectations from life but survival.
I think... while its easy to fathom a man of less means having no control over his situation, succumbing, its dramatically different when a man of wealth & influence succumbs to his situation with absolutely no control as well. You always imagine money & stature can get u anything & keep you in control ... & you realize that its so far from the truth that you have to recalibrate your thoughts... & all of a sudden you dont know what to do? Keep your ambitions of that high life you foresee or keep it simple & ... I dont know... become a yogi..?? Its confusing. I dont know what to do any more!
So its obviously intriguing, to see people with everything in the world go through pain & reassure yourself that money isnt everything.. Sour grapes may be!
Anyway, talking of death brings me to a tangent. Indian cinema has been particularly affected in 2020... Actor deaths affect movie buffs like me... because every one of them holds some meaning & has some relation to a memory. So its like some part of you dies when they pass on.
Irfan did life of Pi -which is somehow connected to Nirbhaya for me. Irfan also did lunchbox which I hated (because I hate abrupt endings) but there was something about that movie that nags at you for the rest of your life... about how some mistakes were probably the best accuracies of your life.
Rishi Kapoor - so many many memories... Chandni, bol radha bol, khel khel mein, rafoo chakkar, AAA... too many to list. I grew up watching him!
People kept talking about these 2 and their struggle with cancer but I thought its just a matter of time before they recover... with all their resources... Both active till their end. Their parting put me on the edge. Somebody dear to me was recently given 2 years to live & she seemed alright when I spoke to her & so I thought the doc must be exaggerating. But after hearing about Irfan & RK, I just know I have to spend as much time with her as I can. My heart feels heavier now.
Then the Kannada hero - Chiranjeevi Sarja. I didnt really care too much for him but loved his wife in some of the movies she did. Followed him only for her sake. It was crazy scary the way he left leaving her with an unborn child. I was almost there... around 14 years back.. so it hit me particularly hard.
And one week down we have Sushant - gone too soon. And as always, the moment there's a suicide, everyone jumps in to explain how its a cowardly act, & no matter what suicide shouldnt be an option. These experts have never been there. And if I hadnt been there myself, I guess I too would have parrotted the same nonsense on cowardice & courage.
Anyhow - 2 shaky sundays took 2 much loved men away - 1 who desperately wanted to live and another who desperately tried to live.
And as always life goes on... & I thank God for my dear ones who are with me while they're still here (& the ones who are there somewhere... anywhere... as long as they are 'there'.. & OK)... & while at that, I also take up every silly fight with my loves :) because, like I said, life goes on!
Why did some article have to put things in perspective? Why was it natural for me to feel bad about the obnoxiously rich widow of Kobe Bryant with more resources than one can imagine. There is that sense of wonder when we look up to those fancy people in gilded cages with fascinating lives & easy solutions. Thats what it was - the easy chopper ride solution to the traffic problem. Simplified time management - if you have the resources! & yet I relived the pain on Kobe & Gigi more than those poor, tired, labourers who had no expectations from life but survival.
I think... while its easy to fathom a man of less means having no control over his situation, succumbing, its dramatically different when a man of wealth & influence succumbs to his situation with absolutely no control as well. You always imagine money & stature can get u anything & keep you in control ... & you realize that its so far from the truth that you have to recalibrate your thoughts... & all of a sudden you dont know what to do? Keep your ambitions of that high life you foresee or keep it simple & ... I dont know... become a yogi..?? Its confusing. I dont know what to do any more!
So its obviously intriguing, to see people with everything in the world go through pain & reassure yourself that money isnt everything.. Sour grapes may be!
Anyway, talking of death brings me to a tangent. Indian cinema has been particularly affected in 2020... Actor deaths affect movie buffs like me... because every one of them holds some meaning & has some relation to a memory. So its like some part of you dies when they pass on.
Irfan did life of Pi -which is somehow connected to Nirbhaya for me. Irfan also did lunchbox which I hated (because I hate abrupt endings) but there was something about that movie that nags at you for the rest of your life... about how some mistakes were probably the best accuracies of your life.
Rishi Kapoor - so many many memories... Chandni, bol radha bol, khel khel mein, rafoo chakkar, AAA... too many to list. I grew up watching him!
People kept talking about these 2 and their struggle with cancer but I thought its just a matter of time before they recover... with all their resources... Both active till their end. Their parting put me on the edge. Somebody dear to me was recently given 2 years to live & she seemed alright when I spoke to her & so I thought the doc must be exaggerating. But after hearing about Irfan & RK, I just know I have to spend as much time with her as I can. My heart feels heavier now.
Then the Kannada hero - Chiranjeevi Sarja. I didnt really care too much for him but loved his wife in some of the movies she did. Followed him only for her sake. It was crazy scary the way he left leaving her with an unborn child. I was almost there... around 14 years back.. so it hit me particularly hard.
And one week down we have Sushant - gone too soon. And as always, the moment there's a suicide, everyone jumps in to explain how its a cowardly act, & no matter what suicide shouldnt be an option. These experts have never been there. And if I hadnt been there myself, I guess I too would have parrotted the same nonsense on cowardice & courage.
Anyhow - 2 shaky sundays took 2 much loved men away - 1 who desperately wanted to live and another who desperately tried to live.
And as always life goes on... & I thank God for my dear ones who are with me while they're still here (& the ones who are there somewhere... anywhere... as long as they are 'there'.. & OK)... & while at that, I also take up every silly fight with my loves :) because, like I said, life goes on!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)