O God! Why?

Of Ego & Hair!

The way we look does provide us an identity. Usually, reasonably good looks give one confidence & so-called ‘bad looks’ give one very little or no confidence to face world. Very few are successfully able to detach sense of self-worth & confidence from their looks & this enlightenment hardly ever comes during the most vulnerable teen or tween years. It only comes past middle age for most or as a result of trying to survive an ordeal (like acid-attack survivors who teach us new lessons every day).

While this is part of the issue, I think the main issue is with the complete distortion of information fed into everyone’s brains about good/bad looks. They dictate to us that women need to be bone-thin with long lustrous hair while men need to be tall & muscular. These are the basics … & there are of course other specific requirements for each & every body part. Its so ingrained in society & people that it’s quite amazing what media has managed to accomplish. My Ms. Diva refused to cut her hair saying she did not want ‘boy hair’ - whatever that meant! Social conditioning starts from the time they are born!!

Since most discussions on this topic revolve around women’s fat or the lack of it, today I thought it’d be interesting if I wrote about hair on men’s heads – or the lack of it!

With respect to this, I have seen two types of guys around me: one set that was endowed with thick hair on their head who took care of it like it was their baby. They have special routines for it, use extra hold gel to make crazy studdy hairstyles & won’t allow anyone to touch it!! (The 2 fads I totally cannot stand is 1 – guys letting their hair grow beyond shoulder length & 2. Men with black hair dyed in light colors. Both I find totally gross! - :P out of context but it just came with the flow!) This is pretty much like Uncle Jesse in Full House! “Have Mercy” if anyone got close to his hair.

Then there’s this other section of guys who have started balding really young & go around wearing caps! I hated that they did that but as I get older, I understand that we all have different levels of pride about different things – sometimes without realizing, and it takes time to let go of it. So I cannot & will not be judgmental any more. Today I know that although these guys wore their caps to cover their balding heads, they were the fastest ones to let go of that false sense of pride about hair/looks & be less attached to the world of pretense. The extra-hold-gel guys don’t get it until they start to gray or their hair falls off due to sickness or age. Their balding counterparts are wiser much sooner.

I remember walking outside with my really cool uncle when I was really small when he suddenly said, we’ve got to run now. I asked him why? He said, - you know, one of the advantages of being bald is that you’re the first to know when it starts to rain! 😊 It was a moment of enlightenment for me – which is why I remember it even now… more than 30 years later!

O yes! That’s just one of the advantages. There are a lot of them actually, come to think of it. They don’t have to worry too much about hair upkeep & shampoos or about hair styles; they also don’t have to worry about greys & regular appointments to dye it in order to keep one’s ‘hair-image’….

And yet there is a huge market for hair transplants & what not, with so many testimonials in the paper. All sorts of celebrities either directly or indirectly advertising for it. Matt McConaughey, Bono, Elton John, Jude Law, Shane Warne, Jacques Kallis, & closer home Sourav Ganguly, Virendar Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Harsha Bhogle & a whole lot of Indian actors. While the Indian actors usually refrain from advertising about it & like to behave as if they never lost any hair, the cricketers at least are not as deceitful. These ads are like the fair & lovely ads for women (& men also, now!). “Every girl I met refused to marry me. But now that I have hair transplanted & regrown on my head I’m a stud & every girl wants me”. But who’s going to teach the impressionable generation that if girls who didn’t like you because you were bald suddenly like you because you’re not, its vain. Is that the kind of romance we want people to aspire for???

Which is why I have this thing for Fahadh! There is this undercurrent in Mallu land that Fahadh let go of his hair & thus let go of his bad luck.

FF is the reason for hope for so many youngsters who now see the cool side of being bald. We need more people like him to break this world of pretense. There are others in Mollywood warming up to this idea & slowly removing the wigs they’ve worn for so many decades.

Because I watch movies so much, a lot of my references are to scenes/dialogues from movies I’ve watched. I remember this friendly banter between a nurse & doctor in a Malayalam movie ‘diamond necklace’. It’s a nice movie and in one such scene, a senior nurse scolds this junior nurse for missing the phone ring as she had headphones on while eating chocolate during duty hours. She tries explaining she was just catching lunch on a busy day but to no avail. At this point, the doctor-hero interferes & tells the senior nurse to let it go & this causes the senior nurse to leave in a huff. The usual friendly banter then ensues between the junior nurse & the doctor:

Nurse: That senior nurse’s name is Shantamma but she should have actually been named Kopamma!

Doc: Leave it. Its just a little ego she has.

Nurse: Do you know, that in one way there is a connection between ego & hair?

Doc: Pling… really? What connection?

Nurse: Tirupathi, Palani - & such temples, why do you think people offer their hair?

Doc: Just their faith!

Nurse: Hair gives you a false identity. Ego is also like that. You remove any of them & you will lessen the weight you carry on your head.

Doc: pling pling – wow! How did you get this philosophy?

Nurse: My uncle told me. Another thing! Did you notice that your ego is just like the hair on your head? Both are less!

Doc: 😊 Madam! You’re not Lakshmi. You’re actually Saraswathi!

The doc hero here is none other than FF v2.0 😊

And while this topic is nowhere near finished, I will stop here with one last image that shows why Sourav Ganguly was better off with his natural reserve of head-hair & why our bald friends are immune to bad hair days.

Break pretense!! Be real!!  More on this later..

Girl friends are forever!

I think the thing that has been most therapeutic in my life at all times has been a good conversation with a girl friend. It doesn't matter what we converse about & it doesn't matter what sh*t we're in. Of course not all girls can become those girlfriends. There are some wavelengths that sync up & some that just don't! The ones that do sync up don't need to be in close proximity (well, not physically) or in touch on a daily basis and even after years of not hearing from each other, the moment we start talking, its like we never missed a day with each other. It just starts off from the point we left off last - without missing a beat, without ego, without any expectations, without hesitation - as if that gap did not exist!

Had a soulful session today with one of my besties & it just changed my daily drab - just like that! So this one's in honor of her and of all the others (countable few gf's left) who give meaning to my life  & continue to inspire me in so many ways! Thank you, you crazies! Miles apart but connected by the heart! My soul sisters!!

Life is a RACE! :)

Story of my life! :))

Vision

The Aryan-Dravidian divide is as relevant today as it was when the Indian subcontinent faced the Aryan invasion. It has become more of a north-south India debate now. While there are a million differences & good/bad on both sides, today we focused on only one such point.

Its something that I believe a lot of us ‘Dravidians’ ponder about - What makes the Aryans seem superior in whatever is taken up by the two, in spite of a lot of intellect on the Dravidian side. After all the Aryans were successful in driving the Dravidians down south, weren’t they? And with all the intellect, it’s not like we haven’t figured it out. It is just that we still haven’t taken enough action to counter the difference & make it a level playing field.

While some major aspects are ‘marketing’ & ‘guts of steel’, today we pondered on how vision of the two differs. I realized that in all aspects of life, I’m more focused on daily troubles & all the failure modes… but unlike me, my more successful Aryan counterparts are focused on long term goals & ‘celebratory modes’. Like my Kashmiri friend who ended up on Masterchef AU. Like all things in life & office he had one long-term goal – of getting on to the Masterchef AU show. That’s it. Just that long-term goal (with a clear vision on what that would open up for him of course!). Then its just a question about dealing with day to day stuff just to get to that goal - persuade people to get office to send him to AU & go there & cook some more, get PR, apply to mc-AU & get in! No failure modes involved in that strategy. Only deciding on the stepping stones. If it was me, I would be stuck on whether or not I should even consider persuading anyone to send me to AU – even if I cooked like a Masterchef I would be convinced that the odds are completely against me! My brain works more in terms of ‘today’ sprinkled with pessimism! -  will my kids be healthy to go to school today, will they like the food I sent today, will my boss give me another day on the deadline he set, will I be able to complete the meetings scheduled today - & in each case, if it doesn’t work, what then? All very short-term things that don’t actually matter at all in the long term.

While this is not a rule on how the Aryan/Dravidian thinking differs, among all the examples I see around me, there seems to be a lot of this pattern.

While upbringing & brain conditioning has a lot to do with all of this, its high time to take charge & change! I mean, even today, hubby keeps thinking up a new business venture every day, analyzes failure modes every day & his mom says, don’t take the risk – Everyday! His friend on the other hand starts a new business venture every day! :D Well, that’s an exaggeration but he does have many ventures that work & when we analyze failure modes of those ventures & ask him about it, he always has one response ‘jab hoga, dekhenge yaar’.

Come on!! Every day lost, is an opportunity lost! Hell, when are we going to learn?

Soon!.... As soon as we stop analyzing & start actionizing! 😊

Mesmeric

Some tunes... some visuals... some stories... some faces...…….. refuse to leave your mind. I never imagined being captivated by this one...

Real heart

Real soul

Art!

how can I miss FF <3! Shammi hero aada

Killing it!

Ms. Diva's down with the usual beginning-of-wheezing symptoms & I already miss her bubbly self. We were going through her 'baby videos'... yes its time to classify them that way, I realize. She's growing up fast.

I need as much proof as possible of their little-ness because its like the sand is going to run out soon. Before I know it, the nest will be empty & I will only have these memories to reminisce.

Its that phase, when getting the message across is important & grammar/spellings can jump outside the window. Ms. Bookworm, on the other hand, has outgrown her sister's current phase & is too sophisticated to understand that there was ever a phase like that in her life. She finds Diva to be ridiculously hilarious. Ms. Diva, however, begs to differ & finds it beyond comprehension how she could EVER be wrong.

One of her usual teacher-roleplays gave me this gem to cherish:

I'm making a book of these for entertainment in my twilight years.

Soul Connect

While a play with words can save the day & a good conversation can be life altering, there are some with whom you don't even need words.. this isn't necessarily with romantic connotations... but may be that's where it applies more...

Not ruining this with any more words...

Caged!

Had this aha! moment... As if someone put words to a thought lost somewhere in the depths of my brain.

I can look at multiple phases in my life when this realization or some inspiration could have changed the course of my life & removed some of the regrets I carry. But since I cant change the past, I will try & remember this from now on. 

Note to self: This actually needs immediate action. 

Movie again!

Going by the 'hair of the dog' treatment, :P I decided to beat the Gully Boy hangover with another movie :D
I think I should make this a movie blog. I will never have a dearth of topics! :)

Caught 'Searching'! Impressed. Very innovative new way of movie making & interesting story telling.

Have to mention the 'Indian' credits also made me proud. - Well, Indian origin … but that's good enough for me. Aneesh Chaganty's first movie apparently!

Although the movie's story-telling was different, it had an old & proven moral of 'blood is thicker than water'... & Im happy it did! 

Celeb Talk

Emma Thompson & Ryan Reynolds are the kind of celebs you want to listen to - because they're so real & their stories always seem to connect!
& who better to talk to them than Graham Norton - probably my favorite talk show host till date!

Nanny Mcphee & Deadpool! <3

Career v/s Home (part 2)

I just realized that part 1 did not mention 1 crucial piece of information - & that’s the part about all that debate being applicable only for the female half of the population. Men are not affected by it. They can have a career & home. Almost all have a career & home in perfect balance – no matter how many 24/7’s they spend at work. The meaning of balance is very different for them. Maintain status quo by ensuring home is taken care of (by whoever!) & manage work. That ensures balance! It’s only the rare exception with a completely involved family man.

Every time this is stated, its like opening a can of worms. ‘O! You’re a feminist!’ Damn right I am – but not the way it was intended to be referred in that remark. A feminist is often interpreted as someone who hates men! This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Priyanka Chopra put it very nicely. She had famously once said “When we talk about equality & opportunity, we talk about cerebral opportunity. We are not saying we want to be 200 pounds like a man & beat the sh*t out of somebody else. We are saying - you get the ability to get the job, to be the CEO & nobody questions you on how you’re driven at 50 with 3 children & and how you are managing it all.”

That’s one side of it. Society puts no guilt on a man for having it all. The only guilt I think is when he’s not the bread winner. Women on the other hand are guilty of wanting a successful career when they have a home to manage. They are expected to manage all aspects of home. If the cook doesn’t come, she needs to figure it out, if the maid doesn’t come – again, she needs to figure it out. Children’s exams, she makes the plan. Its not like guys don’t help, but you have to first assign the work to them even if they are ready to help. See there is that accountability which is always with the women.  

While the societal aspect has influenced guys in having a seemingly stable work life balance, I don’t think we can ignore the fact that men in general are more objective & can compartmentalize their brains very effectively. There’s no spill over on either side. This is something I see most women fail at. Its just that we don’t have the mental capacity for it. We are more subjective & there is a lot of spillover – of work into home & home into work. We are just made more emotional. It is nature’s way of ensuring a family got the emotional balance it required. So, women need to master the art of objectivism to some extent, to be able to enjoy better work life balance & also get better at people management (by which I don’t mean emotional management like they do with their family & friends; pure people management to get work out of them in an effective way).

One thing I want to correct from my part 1 piece, is about knowledge. Its not like a stay at home mom gathers no knowledge at all! That’s incorrect. There’s a lot of knowledge & experience she gains doing what she does at home. My reference to knowledge was purely in terms of subject matter required in office.

Love fiercely! Live passionately!

Hungover from GullyBoy & the title of this blog, is the message that mainly stood out for me in this movie.

I was thinking so much about it. While it is impactful & it is the way to be - its not easy for everyone because its not the natural way of existence for many.

Safeena loves fiercely - enough to break a bottle on a woman who gets close to her man. Her family is a conservative Muslim family that doesn't expect her to even complete an education in a field that she's good at. Almost gets her married off, cutting her education short.. but she manages to stay afloat. We think with the resistance she faces, she's just trying to complete her education but in her mind she has no doubt how she will keep her man AND complete her education. Financial worries also don't concern her. She tells her man, you keep going. I can make enough for us! That is fierce love. I don't think I'm capable of that kind of love!
Murad on the other hand, 'wants' to live passionately! He's very clear what his passion is, but his circumstances make him question if he should even try to follow his passion. His father threatens to stop his education if he ever follows his passion - but it doesn't stop him. Although he knows his father is serious, he says - well that's how he is, & continues to rap.

Thing about both these characters is that their families do not want to empower them or allow them to change their circumstances. Let the girl stay dependent & let the guy stay at the same financial level - is what the parents seem to say. It is up to the individuals to take the risk & grow their wings. That is quite something when you have a lot to lose. Hats off to the many achievers who manage to do this! Also, while Safeena has a strong character, Murad has a slightly more 'cautious' nature. So it obviously takes more effort for him to break free - which I thought was a very good message too.

All in all, I have been bombarded mentally with thoughts around this & while I feel that it may be a tad too late for me to break free, I should mentally be prepared not to be the restrictive parent my daughters have to encounter... no matter how small or big their dreams. 

Apna time aayega

Looong pending watch. Finally caught up. My heart is full! Not only is Naezy & Divine's story inspiring, but I'm also grateful for performers like Raveer & Aalia for just doing what they do!

Gully Boy  <3

Career v/s Home

There are so many successful people who say that it shouldn’t be ‘versus’ & that you can have both. These people are the ones who don’t even realize how much they have missed out on in one of these areas where their focus wasn’t, obviously. They are just oblivious to the fact. Only Indira Nooyi was honest when she said you can’t have success at both places.

I still battle this. I know that if I completely forget home & focus on work, there will be so much learning & so much progression. Sometimes I desperately want to taste that success. But then, I realize that even a month of such dedication at work takes a toll at home. It has happened & so it is real! It has led to lost time for my kids that cannot be retrieved or redeemed in any way. E.g. because I was stuck in office, one maid ingrained dishonesty in my elder daughter during her formative years – which to this day I’m struggling to uproot. It always rears its ugly head just when I think we’ve sorted it. But of course, the world is not an easy place – certainly not for an honest person. So, you need to have a fine balance & the sensibility to understand how much honesty/dishonesty is needed. That way, I feel she’s equipped. Another example happened during my last stint at office, my kids were completely disconnected from me – no sharing of news, no conversation whatsoever! I was busy & so they found their own ways … talking to friends/grandparents/dad (whenever he was available in between all the travel) … while at the same time burying oneself in television or craft & not giving details of actual life happenings to anyone. This is dangerous for kids because they will not know whom to reach out to in the time of any crisis. Also, it’s difficult for parents to keep track of their child as they grow, if the communication channel is completely lost.

Without digressing, there are advantages & disadvantages on focusing on any aspect more. The question is which one outweighs the other. Focusing on career means more knowledge, more control on work, more achievement, more self-confidence – while also, less me-time, less time for passion/talent, less family time, disconnection from daily moments of kids’ lives, lesser attachment to family members etc. This second part is the essence of life – isn’t it? We are human beings first!

Obviously, the opposite applies if the focus is on home. Less knowledge, less control of work, less achievement, less self-confidence – but more me-time, more connection with all of family to help me feel fulfilled (as a mother, wife, daughter... etc.), more help for the kids... & so on. But I have to say that it is, essentially, an individual orientation of preference which makes us waver to one side more.

In my case, my orientation is towards home, without a doubt. For as long as I have kids, it cannot be another way. I was responsible for bringing them into the world & I’m the only mom they’ve got! I’m replaceable in office, I’m not replaceable at home. My achievements are only to serve my ego and while my life is more or less done, the kids have a long way to go. It makes more sense to invest in them… 

Bottom-line, I need both. But there’s no denying where my loyalties lie.

little deaths

bd be like..

Nearing the big four oh! Actually I have felt 40 for the last 3 years or so. I don't know how it will actually feel when I hit it next year. Very much like me, considering I like to live problems before they actually happen.... umm.... whether they are problems or not!

Not too young any more to want people to remember my birthday, so much so as expecting some to be disciplined enough to remember & complete the necessary formalities of wishing me!! LOL
While there were a lot of old friends & some new friends who forgot, I realized I have new friends who keep track of me & remember - dedicating a page to me & stuff!

How cool is that. SO much for my social life!! :D... & data privacy!

I think I know the reason for this dismal social life. It came in the form of some hygiene advice from my lil miss diva:

Yeah - at least a bath a day!

But no matter what your social life, the hubby doesn't have a choice & so came along for lunch outside. 

I ensured I had enough sugar to keep me hyper for another month at least!

On the way back home this ensured that I was too hyper to argue with hubby who asked me to get my own cake. That's the thing about becoming too convenient around each other in a reasonably long marriage. 

And this was what we did with the girls once they were back from school:

Apparently diva had already tried to taste some icing. The number of candles make me wonder if my kids think I'm 60 already!

Anyway, the cake was in appreciation for all the effort they put in to make those cards & give me some gifts they earned (like minion folders, race car erasers & the like). Yes - that's right! moms get birthday cakes on their birthdays only for their kids most times!

Also had lots of fun chatting up with a wide variety of fam & friends. There was the regular stuff 'happy birthday - thank you!'... But fam that's usually quiet gave a lot of surprisingly emotional messages! It was all interesting at the end of the day. Here's a sample of the variety!

The early birds/witty wonders:

The supercool chics:

The duh!

The lovelies:

The no-matter-what buddies:

Birthdays are insane - ALWAYS!

Tum Hi Ho

I like listening to Kenny Sebastian's wit & TBH in this video I thought his singing was not too bad either.

And this video did take me back to the song which is one of my all time faves.. for a lot of reasons.

Living nightmare

A long time back, my favorite sportsperson - Rahul Dravid, was asked what his biggest nightmare was. He replied “getting up in the morning & realizing that I’ve forgotten how to play cricket”! I can understand how terrifying that must be when you live & breathe the game.

I was wondering, at the time, what would be my worst nightmare & I remember thinking – getting up one morning to find all of my family gone! The funny thing is, this fear hasn’t changed, although it has been more than 20 years since.

Just imagine your worst nightmare being played out in front of your eyes - but to someone else. Its heart breaking. All you can feel is helplessness & hopelessness!

I don’t want to say I am traumatized by what happened… I don’t have the right to be … since there is someone else who is living that tragedy. I have wanted to write about this for some time now, since it happened almost a year back, to just wrap my head around this... But my heart was too heavy & still is when I think about that darkness. No human should have to go through that kind of darkness.

My mom’s cousin’s son (Uncle M) was a very lively, warm, friendly human who lived life to its fullest. He had lost his father when he was just 2.5 years old & his mom (Ammayi) chose to stay on with her in-laws. She was a hugely loved & respected person in the family & she ensured her son was brought up with the same morals she had & had the same strong bonds with all of the family. That’s why Uncle M took a lot of effort to bond with everyone & keep everyone connected. I knew him since I was a toddler. We visited him often since we lived in the same city. By the time I was visiting him, he had brought his mother to stay with him, had married (Aunty A) & had his first child - Di. I still remember looking with wonder at the little baby, wrapped in white baby clothes. Over the next couple of years, he had his second daughter – Da & right after, we moved cities. I got in touch again with them after moving back to this city. Cheerful as always, very warm & welcoming, we met a few times. Ammayi lived till a very ripe old age. She got the best care from Aunty A. Di married Si & they eventually had a son Roo. They were all actively trying to find ‘the suitable boy’ for Da. Just the regular family going about its usual business.

The most endearing thing about this family, for me, was that they were always happy! It was not that they had all the resources/situations to have a contented life but that they found contentment in whatever they had & did. They found joy in the little things that the rest of us might fail to notice. I have never seen Aunty A bitter even though most of her life was spent working extra hard to provide for the family while also spending most of her time away from work taking care of her mother-in-law. They were a really tightly knit unit. Any time I spent with them, I had so much fun – doing nothing but just conversing! There was something about their joy which was so pure & infectious… that even the universe must have been jealous!

It was hardly about 2 years since Ammayi passed. On this fateful day, Uncle M, Aunty A, Di, Si & Roo were on a trip to their native place to attend a wedding. They took a bus, just like so many of us do. Di had told her friends in office that she would be back on Monday. Nothing out of the ordinary… Da stayed back because she had to go to office during the weekend.  The bus they were in, met with an unbelievably horrendous accident during the wee hours of the morning - like nothing we’ve seen on that route before. A mini bus from the opposite side of the road, hit a parked vehicle, swerved, jumped the median & crashed into the bus … & that too right at the point where this family was placed. God’s precision planning was there for all to see! A total of 7 lives were lost in this accident, with 4 of them being my own! Baby Roo escaped unhurt & nobody knows how! There are a lot of versions – he was hugged tight by his grandma, he was thrown out on impact... whatever happened, he was suddenly orphaned - at 2.5 years of age – the same age at which Uncle M lost his father. Scary co-incidence. It was not just Roo who was orphaned. Da also lost all of her immediate family in that instance. She only had Roo left. So obviously she held on tightly to Roo. The next day’s local papers had their pics splashed across all their front pages. Those pics are embedded forever in my memory. Da & Roo … left behind by this cruel twist of fate.

But life wasn’t even going to allow Da to hold on to that single strand of hope. Si’s parents took up Roo while Si’s brother & wife officially adopted Roo. After all they had equal stake and actually had a full family to support the little guy. If Da was married, she could have strongly taken a stand on adopting Roo & in any case would also have her husband as remaining immediate family to help her & be with her. But somehow, not even that bit of respite was hers.

Di & Si were cremated in Si’s hometown, while Uncle M & Aunty A were cremated here - I attended their funeral. Through both the funerals, Da was the one who was followed by everyone's eyes. She said that she could somehow come to term with her parents leaving but not her sister & brother-in-law! They still had so much left to do! She collapsed at times, stood strong at other times – directing people to place the wreaths appropriately, cried out at other times & even seemed to be in a trance at other times. The day before the funeral, I went to her place with my cousin. She sat there stoically until we both hugged her... & that led to tears streaming down her face. Unforgettable moment - When I did not know what was the right thing to do! There were discussions on how she also should have gone with them; that this was just too much for one soul to bear! I just couldn’t even begin to make sense out of anything.  Seeing her was heartbreaking!!

In the aftermath of the accident, there were a lot of videos online of the accident scene & how the bodies were extricated. Many of us saw their bodies being pulled out of the wreckage. Aunty had lost her face completely - & my cousin who went to ID the bodies still has sleepless nights. Da continues to give her best shot at survival. Its so heartening to see someone make that effort in such a situation. She has numerous moments when she breaks down both at home & in office… after all she's human! Considering she’s still standing & doing her best to survive, I'm so proud of her. She is a very bright, young, talented lady (much like her mom & sis; her mom even received a state award for her services) & thankfully her office colleagues are understanding about her meltdowns because they have seen her competence before this event. I hope they don’t lose patience on her, ever.

Meanwhile, Da also has to deal with the torture of the growing gap between her & Roo, now that Roo is away. She visits him often just so that he doesn’t forget her but she can sense him moving away. He’s too small to remember his earlier life or the tragedy and his new parents are all he cares about now.

I think about them often and I think ‘Lord I don’t have any reason to complain again - ever!’ … but as human as I am, I still end up asking 100 things of God everyday …. Because life goes on. It doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. It is still beyond my comprehension as to what God’s purpose in such a situation is. It haunts me day & night! Just can’t seem to make any sense of it. What really is our purpose on earth? Is there any such thing as security? Even security in God! – what does that mean for someone like Da? We could have everything one day & it could be gone in an instant! How invincible do we think we are! – such utter nonsense! It scares me to be happy sometimes.

What is God’s purpose with Da? How does one find the strength to move on in the face of such unimaginable tragedy? Hell! I can’t get through a day without things being in order & under my control!  

Time will tell, may be…  Until then I think I will continue to grapple with this confusing sense of reality & fake sense of security we have in life. Hopefully there will be some enlightenment along the way.  

Birthday Blues!

Mom vs Dad

Over the years we've been fed with those hilarious forwards citing the difference between Moms & Dads. While it can be argued for good reason that there are great dads out there, these forwards still are worthy of some laughs!! Here are some of those cited instances:

We had our own instance of Mom vs Dad recently (& I say recently because this is a never ending competition throughout our stint at parenting :D) . 

While this may not seem as obviously funny as the previous pictures, we had a good laugh over this. 

So the story goes like this. My younger one who's the diva & fashionista in the house, picked on the latest fad in school, which is dangling a keychain on the zip of the school bag. Of course that meant she needed a fancy keychain & no ordinary keychain would do it for her! I was the obvious choice for the task of buying her a keychain that would suit her standards but since I was unwell & she was in a hurry, the task was reassigned to her dad! & the best he could do was that hideous piece on the right, which according to him was the fanciest he could find!!!! This was met with varying reactions from his 3 girls:

Me: Rolled eyes.

Elder daughter: ROFL

Younger daughter: cried a river

& so I had to suck it in & weather the storm … first to calm Ms. Diva & second to go & finish the easy job of getting her that keychain to restore harmony.

The next day when hubby & I were alone at home after kids went to school, we chanced upon the abandoned keychain. We both examined it again & burst out laughing! What a hideous thing to get. It was some sad version of a dancing girl. It was supposed to be a cut out of Elsa I think, but it was so badly painted with the eyes seeming to squint and one of the hands seeming to show the middle finger! What kind of person thinks this aesthetic is even ok? This round is clearly mine :)

The versatility of thoo

I used to think it was something my girlfriends & I invented during our long WA conversations until Slangaluru happened!!! Thoo!!

LOL!!!

Izzu! @kunchacks

Some stories bring you so much happiness even if they are not really connected to you. Chackochan was one of the first chocolate boys in Malayalam cinema & I crushed on him like most of the mallu female population. So much so, that after my wedding, my husband used to put Chackochan down every opportunity he got. “He’s really short!”…. “Terrible acting” … “What’s wrong with you?”… “What do you see in him?” LOL. I got to know later that after Chackochan’s first hit even my hubby had got the same bike he had in the movie. So just imagine the kind of influence this guy had on all of us!!

I also had this personal connection (I told myself its an important connection :D) that his mom & my mom studied in the same college at the same time. She was one the most popular & beautiful girls in college at that time & she cut short her education once her marriage was fixed, I’m told. Somehow this information, along with the fact that he’s from the same place that my parents are from, made  me create this impression in my brain that I had a personal connection. 

Chackochan broke many hearts by marrying his sweetheart. But since we all love him so much, we wished him all the happiness in the world. But as fate would have it, they did not have any kids for long & this actually caused heartache for so many of us. Those genes with that kind of talent & those looks could have produced such wonderful offspring!! Also, this man deserves happiness!

& so it happened after all these years that Chackochan & Priya were blessed with Izahaak! Izza, you will not believe how relieved & truly, truly happy so many of us are because of you!! Mallu-dom actually erupted in joy because of you. I have never seen so much of genuine joy all because of one tiny person! You are truly blessed! My heart is full when I see you Izzu!

Faith... or the lack of it!

I’m suddenly feeling a little low. Under the weather but that’s not it. I just got to know that the leader of my country prevented the leader of my faith from visiting my country. This news will obviously never make it to any media outlet. It saddens me that this is the country I live in – where I’m questioned for my faith & where I’m not on par with the majority religion. I have NEVER in my life looked at another person of a different faith (or the lack of it) as different. Shouldn’t it just be one of your many interests that you choose to follow (or not follow) any particular faith? Yet I have so many friends in my community (both virtual & otherwise) who say that their religion is superior and they have been oppressed and they are happy that the current power is pro-their religion. This has been happening for quite a bit now. It pains me that educated people who have travelled & have seen the world around them do not understand petty politics... that they don't consider the good relationships that they have had with people of different faith & can say it to their face - & that too without any remorse! If anybody propagates intolerance because of their faith, then they are only not understanding their faith right - because I believe no religion teaches intolerance. 

Today I can’t even say the word beef. Have I ever questioned anyone for being vegan? Why do all these pseudo-religious then proceed to go & stay in countries where beef is eaten?

I’m never going to renounce my faith! In fact, such things are only going to make me stronger in my faith. And I will continue to pray for all of those who think that they are superior because of their faith. Because at the end of the day, death doesn’t spare anyone because of the practice of any faith – or the lack of it. So lets hope our sin doesn’t get the better of us.

Survival

Movie Marathon

I had this sudden urge to jot down all the movies I’ve been watching because there are some gems that I caught!!

There was some really good cinema I watched in the last year. By this I don’t mean that I haven’t watched bad cinema at all. But when you watch a LOT of movies and the percentage of good movies is greater than 60-70%, I think that’s a good success rate.

The way Malayalam cinema has progressed is beyond admirable. I’m so proud to be part of this state that has not just produced such exceptional talent in such large numbers, but has also recognized this talent. It’s a time when even supporting actors to supporting actors are noticed!! And the music!!!! Its to die for. I just go to Saavn & open the current Malayalam play list & every song is a pleasure to listen to.

While I did catch up on other languages too, Malayalam still stands out as the dominant percentage.

Here’s a list of some that I watched over the last couple of years – not in any particular order but I will put Malayalam first:

MALAYALAM:

Kumbalangi Nights: The preview & plot really did not entice me & it really isn’t my kind of movie to be honest. I watched it only because of the rave reviews. I’m so glad I did. What a beauty!!! & the climax! I did not know whether to laugh or to be scared! Fahadh!!! You’re an absolute gem & the best thing that happened to Mollywood! Thank u! Who else could make us love a villain more?!

Varathan: Fahadh again & he cannot go wrong. A little too tacky/overdone at the end .. but I’ll still take it. Totally worth my money. And I’m beginning to warm up to Aishwarya Lakshmi. I was jumping in my seat during the second half :D

Athiran: Fahadh. I feel like that's all there is to be mentioned!! This one is copied from a couple of English movies but it was ok.

Vijay Superum Pournamiyum: Asif Ali & Aishwarya Lakshmi keep it real & engaging. Not too bad

Uyare: I hate serious movies & this of an acid attack victim - not my cup of tea. I almost missed this gem. Asif as villain was such a beauty while Tovino never ceases to entertain. I know I should mention Parvathi here but some people are so brilliant that you get so used to it and stop noticing it. Its a given!

Luca: Decent love story. Tovino was good as expected. Aahana – expected better.. but ok.

Virus: How can they manage to keep a crowd enthralled with a documentary?! But they did it! I was so happy to learn about Kerala govt’s competence handling Nipah.

Ishq: Shane Nigam! So proud of this young guy. The only unfortunate thing is that his supremely talented dad died without seeing either his own success or the success of his son. The movie is just about Ok. Even the new comer Ann Sheetal was ok-ok. The movie started well & the 2^nd half was a bit too unreal. But entertainment quotient was still good. Above average movie for sure.

Joseph: O what a gem! Joju George progressed from being in the background to being the hero… all while being everything a usual movie hero is not. I watched this movie at least 5 times in the process of playing it for our visitors but I never got bored. The suspense is nothing like we’ve seen before.

Mera Naam Shaji: Decent entertainment. Laughed so much. Helped relieve my PMS blues.

Allu ramendran: Entertaining & gripping! I’m glad Chackochan is getting some of his movies right. Varnyathil aashanka was another gem that he did. But at the end of the day Kunchacko Boban is always close to my heart. & this is his year! All of us adore you Izahaak!

Aadhi: Pranav Mohanlal – I had so many expectations from you since you’ve been acting from your childhood & you’re the son of a star. You somehow remind me of my bil too. So I cant not love you. The movie was super in spite of your acting but o! do you have a long way to go before we accept you as an actor!!

Njan prakashan: Fahadh! 😊

Theevandi: Tovino! 😊 A movie about a ciggy addict! And yet I liked it!! Very original concept. Worth a watch. 

Other mentions:

Vaarikuzhiyile kolapathakam (not a single star but engaging suspense & decent direction), June (coming of age story of a girl after all the ones of boys we’re seeing; decent; Rajisha is good), Street lights (did not expect a Mammootty movie to be good, but this was decent), Aanakallan (decent suspense, Biju Menon was engaging as usual), Drama (very heavy; made me think a lot; was good but I don’t want to watch it again), Padayottam (decent Biju Menon flick), Maradona (decent direction; Tovino shines as we expect him to; like it more for the songs), Ramante Edan thottam (portrayed a married woman’s life well; her relationship with her husband is a failure & she meets someone who really connects with her; dialogues are beautiful), Takeoff (decent real life story of a nurse’s escape from Iraq), Thondi muthalum Driksakshiyum (Fahadh), Godha (Tovino), Ezra (Prithviraj as usual loses his wife & his head :D.. but I like supernatural), Jomonte suvisheshangal (very well-made feel-good family drama. Dulquar in his element; kids have watched this on repeat mode just like they did Om Shanti Oshana, Bangalore days and Ann Mariya Kalippilaanu), Velipadinte pusthakam (I liked this one although a lot of others didn’t; Mohanlal’s quirky drama; the jimmiki kammal movie), Njandukalude naatil oridavela (very nice subtle take on the serious drama of a household dealing with cancer), Punyalan Pvt. Ltd (Jayasurya reprises his role & I liked this better than part 1), Munthirivalli thalirkumbol (Makes sense as a person married for more than 10 years, much like the movie James & Alice which also made sense only coz of the same reason), Adam Joan (I really enjoyed this; theme is the same Rajappan premise– Prithviraj loses his wife as the story unfolds), Oru Mexican Aparatha (I liked this because it was produced & directed by my friend’s sister & hubby; it was the realization of their dream; decent movie, this is how Tovino arrived), Sunday holiday (decent family entertainer), Puthan panam (decent suspense), Alamara (family entertainer; I liked the 1^st half better), Sherlock toms (comedy & suspense; watchable).

Movies that are on my list to catch up on: Unda, Oru Kuprasidha Payyan, KGF (maybe I’ll catch the Kannada version of this since thats the original one)

Now I also want to record the time I wasted.

Movies I watched in theatre & cringed: Oru yemandan prema katha, Lucifer (this was a hit apparently!), Pretham2, My story, Ee Ma Yau, Sakhavu, Kuttymama (this last one was ok but I still wish I had avoided it)

Movies I watched at home (ok but wish I had avoided): Nine, Lonappante mamodisa, Argentina fans, Kayamkulam kochunni, Koode, Queen (just the one scene with Salim Kumar is to die for; the rest of the movie is .. meh...)

Movies I watched at home that have decreased my life span: Thattumpurath Achuthan, Johny Johny Yes Appa, Abrahaminte santhathikal, Kuttanandan marpappa, Mohanlal, Mayaanadhi (was a big hit & Tovino & Aishwarya were good, but I hate tragedies), Angaamaly diaries (this again was a hit & I cant imagine why; not my type - that's why), Parava (another hit; Dq, Shane & Arjun need a mention for their flawless acting but entertainment quotient.. :(), Rakshadhikari Baiju oppu, Solo, Ramaleela, Master piece, Comrade in America, Vimaanam, Kodathi samaksham Balanvakeel, Mikhael, Ranam, Oru kuttanandan blog, Pokkiri simon. The last 5 I gave up during the first half hour & so managed to save at least some of my time.

HINDI:

Secret Superstar: Watched this with my kiddos. It was long pending considering that my co-brother was following up on this for more than a year. But it was good. Wonder if this was the movie that led to Zaira Wasim quitting Bollywood.

Baahubali 1 & 2: Although this should be listed as a Telugu movie, I watched the Hindi dubbed version. I just loved the fairy tale & so did my kids.

Bareilly ki barfi: What an awesome movie! Light weight & still strong.

Raazi: Aalia Bhatt never fails to impress. And Vicky Kaushal arrived with this one.

Uri, Parmaanu: Both interesting movies but I hated the accreditation to the saffron power.

Andhadhun: Had me at the edge of my seat for the full time I watched it!!!! I was so stressed out that I slept 12 hours straight after, to recover. Awesome movie!

Sthree: It's such a beautiful movie when you understand all the subtle references it makes and the beautiful message it delivers.

Newton: Pure art. I needed patience to watch this one. Very intriguing & disturbing while being so close to reality. Rajkumar Rao proves that even if its Bollywood, if you are talented, you can make a mark.

Mom: Reasonably good suspense thriller. A lot of it has glaring loopholes but it's still watchable. The last one from Sridevi… so..!

Badla: Was ok but when I watched the Spanish original I realized it was much better.

Some overrated ones: Jab Harry met Sejal, Veere di wedding, Tumhari Sulu, Badhaai ho – with only the first one being a total waste of time.

ENGLISH:

Jumanji 2: I have always been a fan of Jumanji 1 since I watched it as a kid but it was scary & still is. I watched this one with my kids on our movie night & 3 of us bonded over that movie big time. It was one of our best ever movie nights! Dwayne Johnson radiates so much warmth. Really looking forward to Jumanji 3. I might just catch up on that in the theatre with my kids.

Wonder Woman: I’m not really a Marvel fan but I enjoyed this one. Gal Gadot is smoldering hot & I have a woman crush on her!

Widows: I loved the plot but as I started watching it, I got impatient & jittery with all the violence. I almost gave up on this movie but I’m glad I didn’t. Watched it in multiple iterations & the last part was when the movie really came to its own. It was a wonderful suspense & a beautiful ending.

Other decent ones: Mission Impossible fallout, Fantastic Beasts, Oceans 8, Aladdin, Kingsman 1 & 2

Ones that didn’t work: John Wick (too violent :( but I still love Keanu <3), Mummy (the Tom Cruise version totally failed)

TAMIL

96: Watched this one with a friend & we both ended up wondering why this was such a huge hit!

KANNADA

Ulidavaru Kandanthe: Heard rave reviews. I also like Rakshit Shetty. This movie was remade in Tamil with a Malayalam Hero Nivin Pauly. It was Nivin’s attempt at conquering Tamil cinema & it miserably failed. I can understand why. I also am part of the audience that could not identify with this movie. Too violent & too boring.

SPANISH:

Contratiempo: This movie I watched because of Badla. I really enjoyed it & it also led me to the next one.

El cuerpo: Awesome movie. Much better than Contratiempo. Suspense was out of this world.

And that's it for this marathon blog! :)

Break up Break!

I need to log this for future reference… just like I have a tattoo to remind me of some life lessons!

As my break draws to a close (I think..) here are things I’ve done… no!… accomplished during this time!

1.       Spent 2 entire summer vacations at home with parents. That is an accomplishment considering all the lectures & advice I had to put up with, taunts & jeers … & indirect references from relatives that I had to field AND all the housework I did! Its not something I enjoy but I did it! I did it for my parents & for my children. Part of it, I feel, I did for myself… but I’m not totally sure about that..

2.       Did not react to taunts on not being a ‘contributing member’ in my family! (Apparently money is the only contributing factor). O yes! Accomplishment! Now this is important because its easier to react than to not. Also, there are relationships that once are broken cannot be fixed. I have earned my way to a reasonably stable position among my in-laws & its more peaceful this way than to be right & to be heard!

3.       Used a lot of forgotten unattended stuff that I had accumulated over all these years. The accumulation happened because I bought things I thought I needed but didn’t actually back then. 😊 But I’m glad I did. It kept me comfy during the break. :P

4.       Handled the kitchen like a boss! 😊 Got compliments for all the food I prepared for my in-laws during their visits. Got my kids’ breakfast and lunch ready & packed, got them ready for school, fed them & took them to the bus stop every day on time on my own. No hubby, no maid. All the other kids had maids & 2 available parents & were yet running to catch the bus – almost 10 mins after the bus reached our stop! I’m definitely happy with this one! Nobody has credited me for this, I realized one day & I properly schooled my hubby about this! But men never listen… correction – married men never listen. – well at least not to their wives!  

5.       Completed a course that was loooooooooooooooooooong pending!! It was on my to-do list for too long & it was something that restricted my confidence at work. Although this is only the initial course & I have to gain experience & do the second part as well, I still feel more confident because I understand the subject better. I hope I get to complete this one in another 2 years. That will be my endeavor.

6.       Crocheted! Made scarves and caps & sweaters, gifted them, got compliments, gave lessons… This could be a whole new career option if I have more patience & if I can increase my crocheting speed. What was also quite heart warming was a compliment I received from my doctor sis-in-law. She said it was a great hobby and could help prevent dementia, thanks to the hand-eye coordination involved in crochet! 😊

7.       Finished a book! This was the most difficult and my most prized accomplishment of the break. It took me more than 20 attempts to get started on that one book and it was not until a couple of months back that I really started reading it. Atlas Shrugged! & so did my brain!!

I was a huge fan of Ayn Rand once I finished Fountainhead a long time ago. That was during another break about 10 years back. I told myself I will read Atlas Shrugged because it was the more famous one. My brain was too hyper to go beyond a couple of sentences each time I tried. In the end, I completed 1064 pages in 2 months! Am I thrilled or what?! Pat on my back. I’m proud of myself. The important thing is to keep going. The way I got started was by completing 10 pages a day at least. It required a lot of discipline and it worked. So, I have to take up other books now & keep it going.  Just got gifted something that I wouldn’t normally pick up but… I never read any of the books he gave me. At least this one I should! I owe it to you, D!

8.       Painted! 😊 Now this is a tricky one because I’m not sure if the fact that I painted is an accomplishment or that I just completed what I started. Nevertheless, its done! I love to paint but I don’t really have the skill to paint free hand. So, I got myself a paint by numbers kit and completed it. The framed version hangs in our front room now & I have to say, I’m quite happy with it.

9.       Discovered diamond painting, completed one & got my kiddos to complete another 2. One is framed in my bedroom and the other 2 are in the kids’ grandparents’ houses. I think I’m about done with that fad.

10.   Tried my hand at aari embroidery. Long way to go before I can do it at a decent pace but I did complete one piece of embroidery & it was appreciated a lot too 😊

11.   Finally got the ceramic wind-chime I wanted for so long & just started painting it. Put it on hold because of a mind block. Have to finish that next week.

12.   Got a convection oven & baked chocolate chip cookies!!! Yippeeee!!! Also made pizzas. Now the only part of this plan that’s remaining is to bake a cake. I have about 2 weeks of break left & I hope to catch up on this one.

13.   Restarted my blogging! Huge tick on that! 😊

Wow! Putting that down in words is almost therapeutic!!