Career v/s Home (part 2)

I just realized that part 1 did not mention 1 crucial piece of information - & that’s the part about all that debate being applicable only for the female half of the population. Men are not affected by it. They can have a career & home. Almost all have a career & home in perfect balance – no matter how many 24/7’s they spend at work. The meaning of balance is very different for them. Maintain status quo by ensuring home is taken care of (by whoever!) & manage work. That ensures balance! It’s only the rare exception with a completely involved family man.

Every time this is stated, its like opening a can of worms. ‘O! You’re a feminist!’ Damn right I am – but not the way it was intended to be referred in that remark. A feminist is often interpreted as someone who hates men! This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Priyanka Chopra put it very nicely. She had famously once said “When we talk about equality & opportunity, we talk about cerebral opportunity. We are not saying we want to be 200 pounds like a man & beat the sh*t out of somebody else. We are saying - you get the ability to get the job, to be the CEO & nobody questions you on how you’re driven at 50 with 3 children & and how you are managing it all.”

That’s one side of it. Society puts no guilt on a man for having it all. The only guilt I think is when he’s not the bread winner. Women on the other hand are guilty of wanting a successful career when they have a home to manage. They are expected to manage all aspects of home. If the cook doesn’t come, she needs to figure it out, if the maid doesn’t come – again, she needs to figure it out. Children’s exams, she makes the plan. Its not like guys don’t help, but you have to first assign the work to them even if they are ready to help. See there is that accountability which is always with the women.  

While the societal aspect has influenced guys in having a seemingly stable work life balance, I don’t think we can ignore the fact that men in general are more objective & can compartmentalize their brains very effectively. There’s no spill over on either side. This is something I see most women fail at. Its just that we don’t have the mental capacity for it. We are more subjective & there is a lot of spillover – of work into home & home into work. We are just made more emotional. It is nature’s way of ensuring a family got the emotional balance it required. So, women need to master the art of objectivism to some extent, to be able to enjoy better work life balance & also get better at people management (by which I don’t mean emotional management like they do with their family & friends; pure people management to get work out of them in an effective way).

One thing I want to correct from my part 1 piece, is about knowledge. Its not like a stay at home mom gathers no knowledge at all! That’s incorrect. There’s a lot of knowledge & experience she gains doing what she does at home. My reference to knowledge was purely in terms of subject matter required in office.