Career v/s Home

There are so many successful people who say that it shouldn’t be ‘versus’ & that you can have both. These people are the ones who don’t even realize how much they have missed out on in one of these areas where their focus wasn’t, obviously. They are just oblivious to the fact. Only Indira Nooyi was honest when she said you can’t have success at both places.

I still battle this. I know that if I completely forget home & focus on work, there will be so much learning & so much progression. Sometimes I desperately want to taste that success. But then, I realize that even a month of such dedication at work takes a toll at home. It has happened & so it is real! It has led to lost time for my kids that cannot be retrieved or redeemed in any way. E.g. because I was stuck in office, one maid ingrained dishonesty in my elder daughter during her formative years – which to this day I’m struggling to uproot. It always rears its ugly head just when I think we’ve sorted it. But of course, the world is not an easy place – certainly not for an honest person. So, you need to have a fine balance & the sensibility to understand how much honesty/dishonesty is needed. That way, I feel she’s equipped. Another example happened during my last stint at office, my kids were completely disconnected from me – no sharing of news, no conversation whatsoever! I was busy & so they found their own ways … talking to friends/grandparents/dad (whenever he was available in between all the travel) … while at the same time burying oneself in television or craft & not giving details of actual life happenings to anyone. This is dangerous for kids because they will not know whom to reach out to in the time of any crisis. Also, it’s difficult for parents to keep track of their child as they grow, if the communication channel is completely lost.

Without digressing, there are advantages & disadvantages on focusing on any aspect more. The question is which one outweighs the other. Focusing on career means more knowledge, more control on work, more achievement, more self-confidence – while also, less me-time, less time for passion/talent, less family time, disconnection from daily moments of kids’ lives, lesser attachment to family members etc. This second part is the essence of life – isn’t it? We are human beings first!

Obviously, the opposite applies if the focus is on home. Less knowledge, less control of work, less achievement, less self-confidence – but more me-time, more connection with all of family to help me feel fulfilled (as a mother, wife, daughter... etc.), more help for the kids... & so on. But I have to say that it is, essentially, an individual orientation of preference which makes us waver to one side more.

In my case, my orientation is towards home, without a doubt. For as long as I have kids, it cannot be another way. I was responsible for bringing them into the world & I’m the only mom they’ve got! I’m replaceable in office, I’m not replaceable at home. My achievements are only to serve my ego and while my life is more or less done, the kids have a long way to go. It makes more sense to invest in them… 

Bottom-line, I need both. But there’s no denying where my loyalties lie.