To be or not to be... a housewife

Housewife! What a dreadful term. It somehow reminds me of housefly. 

'Desperate housewives' is another one! The name of that series seemed like tautology back then. I mean, if you're at home with only house work to do, you ought to end up feeling desperate?!... Or so I thought. Until I finally quit my job to be a housewife... & twice at that. Today I know a whole lot of 'housewives' who are not desperate & who are successful at what they do. I also realize that this will never be me. Period.

Science exhibition in school. My daughter wants a prize & so I have to make that happen, she says. She did win & when I went to her school (bent over with guilt) to check the items displayed, I was appalled. Miniature volcanoes, solar systems, robots… & what not… all credited to 5-6-7 year old somethings. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs to the school management – what? Are you nuts? Can you not see? Are you totally blind? This is all done by 30-40-50 year old somethings… parents/grandparents/outside agencies..? But school seems blissfully oblivious - as if I’m missing a circuit upstairs to even point out something like that. Hmm… so I think may be these kids are smart & its only I who have managed to produce a mediocre human being just like me. That was until I met a friend who knew about the science exhibition piece I’d made … because her daughter thought it was great. And this friend of mine tells me ‘So, you’re at home! That just explains how you get time to do such things for your child!’

Another month later I’m sitting for a PTM & I’m trying to explain to my daughter’s teacher that kids need to be independent & homework should not be assigned to parents. The bewildered teacher looks at me as if I’m from another planet while saying ‘Mam, you’re at home only no Mam?’!!! It really does feel like I’m from another planet. 

Fast forward another few months, there’s an inspection in the school. A new academic year has just started & so the display boards in the classroom are empty. How will the inspector be impressed? So, what does the teacher do? Well if it was the brain-dead me who was the teacher, I would proceed to teach the children & if I got asked any questions, I’d ‘try’ explaining to whoever it was, that the academic year had only just begun & charts will accumulate over the year. You see, that right there is why I’m an unsuccessful IT gal! 😊 But of course, since the class teacher was smarter than me, she asked the class for anyone with talented parents. Since my daughter is smart to recognize that as a cue to get into an influential spot vis-à-vis her teacher, she threw up her little enthusiastic hands… & so it was me the scapegoat (as it always turns out) who prepared a chart. I threatened my daughter that if I got any more such talent recognition, I would quit being a mom! ☹ Yeah! That definitely does not work!

What I have realized during my ongoing stint as a desperate housewife is that:

1.       I love my kids to death, but there’s a limit to how much I can be involved with them… as nasty a mom as I may sound. So, it’s better that I do something outside home – like take up a job… This for 2 reasons - one that its better utilization of my time and two that it’s a good reason to be restricted in the parenting part. ‘Chart anyone?’ … ‘O, your mom’s working! Its ok then’!

2.       I need much more money than just for basic survival - because there’s social media & the internet & because I’m human & I do get tempted. I thought through all the mind control & social media blackout etc. etc.  & had to conclude that it doesn’t work. ... not with me! I realized I cannot mimic Sadhguru no matter how many of his videos I see & there are a lot of unfulfilled dreams that I need to and can realize - only with money. As materialistic as I may sound, as long as I’m alive, I don’t think that is going to change. Have to reassess when I’m around 60-70+ years of age – if I do live that long

3.       People treat me differently when I work. This is not just true with school. Extended family, acquaintances… all of them treat me with more respect! Unfortunately, this is a reality!! The ‘housewife’ job has no respect. ‘You’re just at home’ is the tagline I get!

4.       When I have too much time on my hands, even activities I love, lose that element of magic & attraction. When I have absolutely no time, it gives me so much joy to even look at leaves in my garden for a minute! Definitely a mind thing but haven’t figured out a solution yet.

5.       Its hard to find friends to hang out with on a daily basis. This is killing! I cannot survive without f2f time with people I can communicate with.

Bottom line – I hate IT, but as long as I don’t have another career option that pays me decently enough, I desperately hope to get back to my IT life. I refuse to learn the lesson (of following your passion, doing what you love, & the insignificance of money) as I continue to struggle with FOMO and wiggle my way back to square one!